I don’t know about you, but aren’t you just a tad suspicious about the Bible’s story of Adam and Eve? Well, brace your faithful self because I am, I officially declare. I love the Bible and all but I have this niggling feeling that the story of Adam and Eve has more to it than just "biting-into-a-mouth-watering-piece-of-apple," for which, in my opinion, God punished them quite so harshly by disowning them, then banishing them pronto from the garden of Eden, and consigning them to a life of pure unpleasantness and difficulties.

As a young child hearing this story for the first time, I had a few lingering questions that my Bible Story Tellers unfortunately just could not rationalize for me. Like for instance, why God made such a delicious fruit and then forbid Adam and Eve to eat it. To me, there’s something awfully wrong with that picture. It seemed rather sadistically inspired or mean-spirited especially for a story meant to convey a message of God’s love, and holiness. Simply put; how could you, as a loving parent, not give your child a piece of that melt-in-your-mouth cake you have just baked without honestly feeling like one of the fallen angels afterwards?

And another thought, why did God have to make the darn thing edible anyway? To give the story a facetious side to it, God could just have told them straight up, "Okay children, this fruit tree right here is poisonous and to eat it means death, therefore stay away from it unless of course you two are in a highly suicidal mood now that you’ve inhabited this new world for a day or two already." Now who, in their right mind, would have ignored such an order? Not even kids, that’s for sure.

Well, a faction of silly questions came about out of the blue, after a kind lady offered me a slice of apple to try in which I hesitated to take for fear of upsetting God if I accepted the so-called "forbidden" fruit. I remember thinking to myself, "Is it spiritually safe for me to eat the apple? or should I also expect God’s wrath upon me after thoroughly enjoying the bite." I had no crazy clue but I ate my very first apple anyway and with gusto, mind you. Thankfully, now that I have personal access to a Bible, I’m 99.9% sure that there’s nothing on there that says I can or cannot eat the darn fruit. Phew!

Additionally, did you ever wonder why Adam and Eve suddenly became consciously aware of their nakedness when only moments before that they were obviously oblivious to each other’s nude forms? I did. I also thought it was odd how God, during His lamentation, told them that they now have to live as husband and wife; to labor for food, and to bear children… All that over a piece of fruit, did you say? Don’t blame the innocent way my brain used to operate because I seriously half expected God to exclaim "That’s it you two, you’re on water diet for 12 months," or something of that nature because, at that time, that would have made a lot more sense to my young and philosophically-inclined mind. I also thought separating the two for, oh I’d say, several agonizing months could have done the trick as well. After all, they were being very naughty together, weren’t they? So, yes, that would have been a more suitable punishment too.

In any case, now that I’m a little older, and much wiser(achoo), and several notches more analytical for my own good(ta da)…, and now that I’ve lived and experience a life filled with varying pursuits and desires(ugh), I decided to take a lovely stroll down on memory lane to revisit and reexamine those old unresolved thoughts in my head (sorry to disappoint you but not talking about an old flame here). Sure, it’s understandable that God was angered after being disobeyed despite the fair warning He had given them but I don’t really think that was the main source of His full-blown fury, at all. As a matter of fact, I can’t help but compare His reaction to that of a disgruntled sets of parents who have just learned for the first time that their unmarried teenage children have just irresponsibly done the unthinkable, with a capital U, and got themselves completely compromised by getting positively pregnant. (Do you have a slight idea of where my train of thought is heading yet?)

So, to make my already long story short (what a breather uhuh), I think that Adam and Eve had done more than just consume an ordinary, yet very consequential piece of, that’s right, APPLE. I firmly believe something very significant and intimate had  transpired between the two, too vulgar a scene that it warranted an instantaneous censorship, hence no mention of it anywhere in the Holy Bible. If, for all intents and purposes, the fruit was indeed THE "fruit of knowledge" it was purported to be then, suffice it to say, Adam and Eve undoubtedly and ultimately discovered there was something so much more exciting and a whole world better than the sweet appetizing taste of the fruit itself. Something they saw and felt at once, the moment they realized just how fine-looking and painfully enticing their uncovered bodies now appear through their newly adulterated eyes and senses. Something very intoxicating and unjustifiably tempting that it was totally beyond their untested self restraint… Something at least a little worthy of an exile… Something magical and totally wicked!

What a crazy conjecture, you might say. I know! Half as crazy as my current need to dig up some archaeological bones of people who co-wrote the bible, and confer with them what I think Adam and Eve had done on that fateful day in "paradise." Fortunately for me and for their well-rested souls, I am not that crazy yet. "I may be crazy but I ain’t that kinda crazy," as Mike Tyson used to say on tv. LOL.